Showing posts with label My cat is an arsehole. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My cat is an arsehole. Show all posts

Sunday, July 6, 2014

My Cat is an Arsehole - Case File 4

This week I'm introducing the lovely paranormal author Sonnet O'Dell with her cat, Salem.


CASE FILE 4

SALEM




Name: Salem
Age: 8
Breed: British Domestic Short Hair
Crimes:
1. Disturbs Sleep: 
He thinks nothing of beginning his day at 4am in the morning. At scratching the bedroom door to pieces until you let him in and then proceeding to lull you into a false sense of security by snuggling down on top of the blanket. Within five minutes of shutting your eyes again, he’s up, prodding you with his paws, standing on your bladder till he makes you have to pee or making a general nuisance of himself playing with leads or knocking things off shelves. Once you have both feet out of bed and on the floor, he’s won and knows it.
2. Gluttony
Despite having a full bowl of Cat kibble, when he decides he wants wet food, he wants it now. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, he will sit and stare at you until the next time you get up. Heaven forbid if you should enter the kitchen as he will look forlornly at his bowl as if to say but Chef this isn’t what I wanted. Or worse, he will eat it all then look at the empty bowl like “What the hell happened” and can trick numerous members of the household into thinking he’s not been fed.
3. Attacks the brush  
 He sheds like nobody’s business and will not take a brushing lightly for the brush is the enemy and therefore must die. Several swipes have caught me by accident.
4. Snores 
Very, very loudly, right when you’re trying to watch something.
5. Malicious Peeing 
 Most cats will pee in the dirt. Not this cat. He sits right in the middle of the grass despite the amount of times he’s yelled at. Now he sits and gives you full eye contact while he does it. He’s killed a patch of grass about the size of a Frisbee.
6. Pervert 
He is one cat that doesn’t understand the bathroom is off limits to him. You can think you’ve shut him out in the hall but turn around and there he is, waiting, watching.

 Evidence 
What kind of cat pees on grass?

Disclaimer: Despite all of that he is a very loving and affectionate cat. He loves nothing more than to curl up next to me, nestled against my side while I type away at the computer. He’s the best company when I’m alone and he never fails to make me smile because of stupid things he does. He’s my beautiful boy and I wouldn’t be without him.

Buddies


 END CASE FILE

If you'd like to know more about Sonnet and her awesome books, check out here website HERE

Sunday, June 29, 2014

My Cat is an Arsehole - Case File 3



For this week's case file I'd like to welcome Catherine Winther and her bad kitty, Magiska Bear.
 
 Case File 3
Magiska Bear

Name: Magiska-Bear
Breed: Domestic shorthair
Crime:

Hunting and Killing...teabags.
Magiska-Bear may look sweet, but this kitty is a cold blooded killer, for tea-bags anyway. Not even used tea-bags are spared.
Below is photographically documented evidence of Magiska-Bear's crimes. Also provided is evidence of the carnage left behind when Magiska-Bear is left alone with a tea bag for only a few moments.

Evidence
The quarry is approached with caution.


Quarry is located and considered for quality.
Licking lips in preemptive pleasure.


 Magiska goes in for the kill.

It is utter carnage.

Cute and tiny
Disclaimer:
I have included what I deem to be disgustingly cute photos of Magiska-Bear (not kinky and totally safe for work). I rescued her from under my house (she was a feral kitty). I have hand reared her and she is a constant purr machine. She even purrs when being injected at the vet. So, I love her because she is tiny, cute, a purr machine, hilarious and my writing familar.

PS I also have a giant black cat called Batman. He is much more stealthy than Magiska so trying to get photographic evidence of his crimes is a lot harder.

END CASE FILE

If you'd like to find out more about Catherine Winther, check out her blog HERE.

Monday, June 23, 2014

My Cat is an Arsehole - Case File 2

This week it's time for CASE FILE number 2, with author Shona Husk's delightful kitty... Sarsen!

CASE FILE 2

SARSEN


Breed: Blue Burmese
Age: 14
Crime/s: 
1. Malicious Peeing

When not sleeping he is often found sniffing shoes in the wardrobe, not because he likes feet but because he intends to pee on them. He also enjoys peeing on doll cloths…or any clothes left on the floor. We have a pre-bed patrol in the evenings to eliminate all attractive options. However he had now lowered his standard to peeing on the kids’ school bags (he has a litter tray and a cat flap and yes he was neutered many years ago, so it’s not as though he needs to seek revenge for all the years of food, shelter and warmth he’s been given). He’s also peed on my bed more than once…I prefer to think of him as senile than evil.

2. Carpet Vomitor
He is also a carpet vomitor. Why throw up on the tiles only one inch away when there is perfectly good carpet? (seriously I cleaned up some today that was literally just on the carpet instead of the tiles…that takes years of practise.) I’m sure that for cats vomiting is all about location, location, location. Bonus points for difficulty including under the bed and behind the sofa. I’m going to give a special mention to Satin, his half-sister (also blue Burmese) because she tried to eat a frog, got half way through and then chucked it up in a revolting frothy green mess however it was outside not inside. So while the ick factor was high the clean-up factor was low.

3. Sofa scratcher
 This is actually a team crime between Satin and Sarsen and it has been a long work in progress. A picture is worth one thousand words. They did this after hubby had made them a deluxe scratching post with rope and carpet as well as three platforms. Kids used it more than the cats.

EVIDENCE


Scratched up Sofa

Disclaimer: Despite all of this he is friendly, affection and loves to snuggle up under the doona in winter. He was also very patient when the kids were toddlers and learning how to pick up and handle cats (he did bite each child once, but in his defence he’d meowed, I’d said put him down and they’d decided to squeeze him and run off with him—no blood was spilled and they are all friends now…except when he pees on their school bags). 

Sarsen loving my socks while enjoying a snooze on the bed :)

If you want to find out more about Shona Husk and her writing, check out her website: www.ShonaHusk.Com

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

My Cat is an Arsehole - Case File 1

Today I'm starting a series of Case File fun of posts about cats.
 Though-out the series you will meet a number of romance Author's Cats, and find out why they're arsehole's too.

CASE FILE NUMBER 1
ALGAE


Breed: Lilac Point Siamese
Age: 6 years
Crime/s:
1. Malicious vomiting.
He may look innocent, but this cat is anything but. If you thought 'The Exorcist' vomit scene was bad, you've not met this bad kitty. A thief of the top order, Algae will steal any morsel of food then promptly vomit it up. Malicious vomiting in inappropriate places is this cat's calling card. Vomit on car windscreen? You can safely assume you've been had by this master criminal. Vomit underneath the bed on white carpet? Undoubtedly you've been visited by this cat. Vomit inside the car because you accidently left your window open? Another favourite trick by this master of malice. Found your kitchen sponge mauled beside a puddle of vomit? You've been had by Algae.

Vomit on the car windscreen.
 2. Fighting under the pretense of playing.
Algae is a skilled ambush fighter. His companion cat, a rescued Himalayan has born the brunt of this particular criminal characteristic.

Caught in the act.
3. Hogging the TV.
    Watching Thunderbirds (OK so this is not a crime, but it should be).


END CASE FILE

Algae Potter



Disclaimer:  I love my cat. I really do. For all his faults, he's an awesome company and also lets me dress him up as Harry Potter - when no one else in my family will - that says something.




  



AND....  he also gives some of the best hugs a girl could ask for.